How To (Really) Pull Off a Pixie Haircut

After I got my hair cut short, one of my (male) colleagues said to me: “When a woman gets her hair cut, it means she is about to do something drastic.”


Well, duh, cut all my hair off. Idiot.


If you also decide to 'go for the chop' (I always hated that expression) there are a few (aesthetic) things that happen that the beauty blogs won't tell you about. And, yes, you can ignore them (and me) and do whatever the fuck you want with your hair. That's fine. But if you're a bit nervous about the prospect of being called 'fella' by a homeless person (true story) it's nice to have some guidance.

1. You have to make sure you go for the 'right' cut.
   

If you've ever looked at someone else's face you'll be aware that faces have different shapes, thanks to that lovely skull of ours. You need to make sure you are picking the right cut to suit it!


If you have a heart shaped face, you can go for the super-short fringe crop. Think Carey Mulligan, Miley Cyrus, and of course, Audrey Hepburn. Translation: you have enough cheekbone and a pointy enough chin that super-short hair flatters you, not flattens you. Well done.


If you have a strong jawline, you will have to go for a slightly longer 'do to balance out your awesome bone structure. Think Frankie Sandford and Keira Knightley. These styles are also better if you have highlights or a streak of colour: it looks edgy rather than like a mid-life crisis.


Longer faces, like Anne Hathaway, Emma Watson and Charlize Theron can pull off the crop: but the visual has to be on the forehead. I'm talking about having it above in a quiff, a (careful) half-fringe or full messy crop, you cannot have any of the hair growing 'outwards'. Sorry. With slender faces, anything that sticks out sideways will make your jawline disappear into your neck, and make you look like a crocodile.


Rounder faces: you can do it, too! Don't let basic bitches tell you it's not gonna happen. Look to deity and awesome human being Kelly Osbourne: think colour, think shaven, think curls, volume, texture, layers: punk, punk, punk!

2. Don't get it cut because you think it will be low maintenance.
   

Yes, it's true, it takes less time to wash and dry in the mornings. But chances are you'll need to wash it more often. Most of your hair is closer to the scalp and will therefore get greasy quicker, and that's if you're not playing with it all the time. Short hair is also much less wash-and-go, because there is much less weight it has more of a mind of it's own and may require some light to heavy styling. If you've got twenty quid lying around then Bumble & Bumble's salt spray is a godsend, but if not, a cheaper version of a salt or texturing spray will do. At this point it's best to throw out any mouses, creams, gels, waxes...anything that isn't hairspray. It'll just be too damn heavy.

3. Help!! I didn't realise my wardrobe would need changing!
   

It's okay!! Neither did I. If your style is naturally girly and floral, this probably isn't a problem. You just look fucking adorable now. However if like me your wardrobe is full of jeans, t-shirts and wool-blend jumpers you might find yourself in a pickle. Don't panic. There are a few simple changes you can make.

• Draw the focus around your neck and shoulders. Off-shoulder tops and jumpers, halternecks, high-neck, turtle neck, asymmetrical, bandeau... the world is your oyster. Necklaces work brilliantly here, too.
  
• Lipstick. If you haven't dabbled yet, now is the time. Make her your best friend, your ally, your soul mate. There are very, very few faces which can't be improved by lipstick. Find your shade, your accomplice, and go take on the world together.
  
• If all else fails and you only have the time (or the budget) for one thing, make it earrings. The main shock you will find when getting your hair cut is that your ears are now visible, so for god sake put something on them. Hoops, studs, plugs, whatever you fancy. I never leave the house without them.
  

4. How do I dress up for a night out if I can't curl/straighten/put up my hair?
   

This won't be a problem, trust me. The fantastic thing about short hair is that you can now wear really slutty gear.... and not look like a slut. It's brilliant. Bodycon dresses? Sexy. Leggings and top? Cute as fuck. Granny jumper? Instant girlfriend material. All black everything? Fucking art student. Stripy t-shirt? Fucking French art student. Tons of make up. Tons of bling. You look fucking peng, all the time. Enjoy it.


It's never something to consider lightly. Once you get it cut, you'll have to wait AT LEAST a year before it grows back into anything resembling even a bob. But it's a lot of fun, and isn't that everything that Cindy Lauper wanted us to have?